sHe

she had me when she walked through the door

she had me at her bedside

she had me when she was in another mans eyes

she had me when she walked out the door

Midnight Pearls of Wisdom

Tonight the clouds are interceding for me. They know that I try to incarcerate my tears in the cell that’s located just above my heart.. As I look into the darkness it comforts me to know they care enough to shed the pain that I am incapable of doing tonight. I can breathe seeing my tears stream down the windows onto the mirrored pavement. I notice that each tear is filled with clouded judgment and emotions of frustration. They leave a black tar residue that traces a line from the middle of my navel to the windows. I walk along a jagged path from the crown of my head to the window and to my navel. This is where the pearls enrich my body. Each wise pearls squeezes through my tiny pores and soaks into my consciousness.

Car tires and slippery soles splash through my leftover tears breaking up the puddles of pain. They mindlessly step through an invaluable treasure in search for their own happiness in the rain. However, the rain that descends from the clouds begins to warm me. And the symphony of splashes are music to my ears because I don’t want to see my tears any longer. Midnight showers bring morning power to stand strong in the reality. I am merely a naked man who exists between heaven and hell given the only gift I need. The gift of choice. I may cry, but I choose if I cry tears of joy or pain. I may dance, but I have the choice to not dance or dance in the rain.

The clouds move along and the moon sachets through the clouds who try to stay as long as they can to see our union. I look in her eyes and I notice that my tears were prayers. My prayers were her summons to join me during this last dance. Our eyes embrace and our lights dissolve into each other. Heaven is our choice and heaven is where we both exist. We cherish the day together in presence of our sun. Illumination.

Bags Filled with Reflection

The man in the mirror hasn't slept in a years
The bags under is eyes are growing heavy
And weighing down his cheeks
So his eye lids have no space for release
And his face always reflects a frown

hE realized that he was not his reflection
and began to look within
He packed light
and closed his eyes
Love took over
and a smile provided space to sleep

For the last few months waking up has been difficult as I open my eyes and realize my sunshine is no longer half covered by the sheets waking up next to me. Usually, when I open my eyes the sun is slowly waking up and pulling the night clouds off of her. Then I look over and gently rub over the indentation that used to caress each curve of hEr. My fingers send a lonely sensation throughout my body backstroking the hairs on my arms where they stand at attention and salute to the spirits of the missing.

I ask myself, “Why?” And another question follows in line asking, “Who Am I?” I have come to realize for approximately the last 1,050 days I defined myself as a man in love and not just a man who is in love. I expressed myself to the world solely on the fact that I was a man enmeshed by not only my feelings, thoughts, and actions, but hers also. When she hurt, I hurt. When she smiled, I smiled. But, I didn’t know that sHe wasn’t smiling at me but for the fact she was thinking of another man. My best advice to anyone in a similar situation keep your eyes on Jesus because he might steal your woman too. The truth hurts, but in hEr absence I know the sun still shines even when the sky is overwhelmed with clouds.

As I lie in bed I force myself not to think and let my body take over. My feet escort me to the bathroom to begin my morning routine. I walk to throne to relieve myself of my manly duties and out the corner of my eye I feel someone watching me. A sense of embarrassment showers over me before I even jump in the shower. I feel dirty and my embarrassment begins to entice my curiosity. I turn quickly so to see who is watching me perform my private and sacred birth rite. I am baffled its “me.” It is me watching me watching me. This is an ongoing revolution of observation I tend to indulge myself in. But, I have been trying to avoid excessive self-conceit. I don’t like being selfish. And being lonely is the most extreme case of selfishness. I outsmart myself and I freeze like a not so smooth criminal caught by red and blue lights. I know he can see me. I look deeply into his hypnotic eyes. I lose myself for a moment, but his frozen reflection blew a cold chill up my spine and I woke up.

His eyes are like mine. We have a lot of similarities. But, I am not sure who he is. As I look into his eyes all I can see is yesterday. A yesterday diluted by watered down happiness. No wonder I feel parched most of the time. Thoughts overcome my emotions and I am moved slightly. He does not seem to be bothered that I am staring at him in confusion. I ask him if we know each other. he answers in silence, which echoes from the depths of my existence off the mirror back through my windows soul. I begin to feel somewhat nauseous and I lose focus of myself. Then all of a sudden I see hEr. sHe returned for the moment. The moment I realized I lost myself. Where did sHe come from? sHe disappears. Where did she go? Where did I go? My reflection returns and has no answers for me. I am lost. SHe is lost. He left, but I am going to find him and get to know who he IS.

Wonder's Wander

Wonder is mind's wander through space and time
An illusions formed ego
The contemplation of humanity
Why me?

The eye travels from point to point
Connected lines made circles
Space respected in union
Awareness of equality

Consciousness of the moment
Never lonely in the presence of loves wonder
Wander no more as we dissolve
In each other

Listen

Words continute to scratch the surface of my tongue. I know they are there, but due to excess I have lost all sense of taste. I close my eyes and visualize the words rolling off my tongue into ears like medicine. There is an epidemic of ear infections prevalent in our world. The most noticeable symptom is the constant running of the mouth where words constantly come out with no direction. Where are you going? Why are you running?

I have reached a clear space of white noise that disables the movment of my mouth before speaking. And due to my excessive speaking without thinking I have burned many bridges from mind to my tongue and the result is I no longer have taste buds. I have learned to listen with my eyes and speak with my ears. I am aware of a power that I am told I have had since I was born; the power to listen to people hearts by looking at their faces.

You too have this power. Listen.

Wisdom

Fear is to suffer from the past. Worry is to suffer about the future. Be present in the moment. Attempt to fill as much space as you can and time will dissipate. Conscious thinking. Conscious moving. Conscious being. As long as we are mindful we realize the connection we have with every thing that exists and does not exist. If, you allow yourself to tap into anothers soul then you will be able to find the love within to live through pain as you would through happiness. The consciousness expands beyond the limits of the body, mind, and soul and fills the space that creates our existence. The dark then becomes light and the light becomes dark having no differences and unified clarity awakens you from the dream state that you were not aware you were in. Emotions and thoughts exist because the mind allows for the body the privilege of sensations. We are human, but do we know who we are? Do you know who you are? Who Am I? Seek experience and obtain wisdom. There only questions and no answers. Life is relative to the experiences that develop. Wisdom is the result. Wisdom conquers fear. Wisdom conquers worry. Wisdom Is...

sHe left me
I turned right
We were both correct